Groupies

Valencia can be a peculiar place. For anyone who speaks to me on a somewhat regular basis, you know that I really did not like Valencia my first well, 6 months here. Finally I'm beginning to warm up to it, but only after accepting the truth: that Valencia is a Province, and therefore its residents are Provincial. Here are some of dictionary.com's best definitions

pro·vin·cial

/prəˈvɪnʃəl/ Show Spe[pruh-vin-shuhl]

–adjective

1. belonging or peculiar to some particular province;  local: the provincial newspaper.

2. of or pertaining to the provinces: provincial customs; provincial dress.

3. having or showing the manners, viewpoints, etc., considered characteristic of unsophisticated inhabitants of a province;  rustic; narrow or illiberal; parochial: a provincial point of view.

4. a person who lacks urban sophistication or broad-mindedness.

 

Well, those are interesting. And aside from "lacking urban sophistication", I think you could change the word provincial to "Valencian". 

 

Although I could write a book on Valencian feelings of provincialism, Today I am going to stick to one theme: Groups]\

The girls and I noticed early on that it was not going to be very easy to make friends. For the most part we all had past experiences in Spain, myself in Madrid, Nora in Leon and Margaux in Seville and we immediatly set the bar to those experiences. I had made enough friends in Madrid after being there for less than 4 weeks, whom I still talk to and see when I visit. It was easy to make friends in the past, let's get out and meet people!

Not so much. We would go out to bars or cafe's and try to integrate or at least chat with others.And they would chat with us... for about 3 minutes. Then before we knew it, at the next pause in the conversation, they had turned their backs and were chatting with their friends again.

Then we noticed that everyone is in little groups. And no one talks to people in the group next to them! In bars, at botellóns, at discos.... groups, groups groups! And at the discos, they don't dance! They stay in their group and chat!

This blew my mind. I didn't understand.

Correction: This STILL blows my mind. I STILL don't understand

 

I think back to my life at home. Where I have about 7 different groups of friends. Beach friends, education class friends, spanish class friends, rugby friends, FORSPRO friends, work friends, high school friends.... shall I continue?

I think back to college, going to my beloved Red Jug Pub, and going with one group of friends, and then seeing other groups of friends and rotating throughout the night. Hanging out with just about everyone in the bar, leaving with a new group of friends to go to another bar. It's natural!

But not here. The only thing left to do was to accept this fact of my Vida Valencia: Chelsea will not be making Valencian friends.

But I am not the only one with this experience. Here are some accounts from the other girls in the program, even those who do not live in the city:

A friend who lives in a smaller city north of Valencia told me of how she went to a disco with some Erasmus friends (friends from other parts of Europe who are studying here). She told me that no one wanted to dance. And when she saw someone she wanted to talk to or dance with across the floor, he just stayed in his group, not dancing. "I don't get it" she said "they just stand around in their groups all night!"

Another friend went to Catholic mass one night (it was a Saturday at 930pm  if that isn't weird enough). The next day she told me about her experience. She told me that when they entered the church, everyone went into small rooms throughout the building. Mass was given in... you guessed it: GROUPS. Everyone has their group that they meet with every week. And they have mass together. They are not congregated in one large community group where they can share this experience as a whole and throw the peace signs up to friends and family across the room. Some families were separated and children were in different groups than their family.

Now I wasn't necessarily raised to be very religious, I just turned out that way with a little help from my wonderful grandma, Eleanor. But from my experiences, you go to church, sometimes with one other friend or family member, or sometimes with 12 family members. And you all sit together and enjoy mass together: singing, praying, and climbing over each other to show signs of peace to the person at the other end of the pew. It's all part of the experience of being a family, and being a community.

Lastly, my one roommate who has had a conversation partner from Valencia for quite some time now, had a very interesting conversation with him this past week. I am not sure how the conversation started, but they were discussing contrasting values of work and family. In Valencia, family is top priority, which I do not disagree with at all. But yes, perhaps sometimes Americans will go a little further for a job or career, and making it more difficult to keep family a top priority.  

He asked something along the lines of "wait, so in America, you just move to the other side of the country for a job?"

Well yes, if its available. And sometimes the living conditions may be more desirable. 

"And what about your friends?"

You make new ones!

"wait, you just make new friends???"

Yes, sort of. But you stay friends with the other ones too.

Now by April, hearing that a Valencian could not fathom the idea of making new friends did not surprise me, not in the least. It just reinforced my already formed ideas and further proved the hypothesis I had formed months ago about this city: Valencians are friendly, but they don't want to be your friend.... especially when you're not already Valencian or at least Spanish! 

I hope this doesn't seem too harsh. I know this blog isn't applicable to ALL Valencians.... so if you're out there PLEASE, PROVE ME WRONG!