Creating myself by creating lists... and more confusing topics

I really like making lists. Shopping lists, list of expenses, packing lists, places to go lists, etc etc.
Here is a new list I've made:

Things That Confuse me
1) Love
2) Happiness

These are two semi-simple words that to me, carry a lot of confusion and uncertainty. Especially because they are two words that generally work together, hand in hand. If you have love, you're happy, and things that make you happy are things you love.

But what happens when having what you love isn't making you happy? Do you throw in the towel and call it quits? Wave the little white flag? Or do you reassess how you utilize the things you love and the things that make you happy to get rid of the confusion and uncertainty?

Someone I know is always asking me: "Chelsea, what do you LOVE?"
My usual answer is generally something like "chocolate" or "the sun" (ironically, two things that don't naturally go together) It's rarely a person or something abstract. It's generally something that supplies immediate satisfaction, something I can see or measure

But many times thinking things through and writing them down helps me pin point what I love and what makes makes me happy.  Things that are more abstract. So here I am making more lists.

Ive made these lists an a journal given to me by my best friend (props to Jamie Seminara). And they are ongoing lists. But when I list things am I listing things that I already know make me happy? Or am I naming things that now will bring me awareness of happiness because I added them to the list?

I write this confusing blog for all to see, because this is connected to my Vida Valenciana. You see, I love Spain. It is the reason I applied for this grant. I loved Spain and I wanted to live there (or here, depending on where you are reading from)

But sometimes (like now) I fall into a funk, a dry spell. Where I'm more than just homesick for my family and friends. I start wondering is living here in Spain really making me happy? I don't fit in here, I don't belong. I don't have my family, and I'm really lacking in the true friends department

Is it all worth it?

This comes at a very inconvenient time for me; a time when I'm trying to figure out my plans for next year. Do I go home like most Fulbrighters will when this is over? If I go "home" do I stay in Shirley, New York? Or do I venture to new places in America? Do I follow my gut and move to Madrid? Or do I stay where what feels like a new home, Valencia?

Do I love Spain, Spanish and traveling enough to stay longer? Will that make me happy?

So along with making my lists of "Things that make Chelsea HAPPY" (i.e.beautiful days, cooking, chocolate, travel, learning, compliments-giving and receiving ones that are genuine, having a plan and reading) and "Things Chelsea Dixon LOVES" (sun, chocolate, feeling confident, family, laughing with good friends over good food or good wine, and traveling) I'm also creating a list of Personal Commandments (inspired by The Happiness Project)
In making this list, I have ganas of creating myself and also sorting out this mess of a brain I have to help me sleep and better make decisions


- Don't be too hard on myself
-Be kind to my body (aka eat right and exercise) 
-Be affectionate
-Go with my gut, but consider the consequences! (sometimes that gut feeling is just hunger!)
-Do it now, not tomorrow
-Don't stress over the future!
-Be thankful
-Be positive, avoid negatives,including people. (I wanted to make a list of things I hate/make me angry... but that would be contradictory!)
-Stick to what makes ME happy
-Be true to who I am
-Learn everyday
-Freedom is where your feet are  
- "Don't make people a priority who treat you like an option."-M. Twain
-Make time for what matters most (refer back to your happiness list!)
- To be continued...




Thank you for reading my rant! Updates will be supplied as they surface! Suggestions and words of wisdom are always appreciated!